This post is inspired by the article ‘regrets of the dying’ from Bronnie Ware. She worked in palliative care and took notes of the conversations she had with her patients over the years.

(http://www.inspirationandchai.com/Regrets-of-the-Dying.html)

There is so much we can learn from this. Please enjoy, reflect and use it for your life.

The five most common themes mentioned by people in their last weeks of their lives are:

• I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured many of their goals and their dreams and knew that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour some of your dreams along the way and whilst you still can and have an influence.
For example, from the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

• I wish I didn’t work so hard.

This came from every male patient that she nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do… how much is enough ?? and what is the price you actually pay for this ?

And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

• I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

• I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often we do not truly realise the  benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it is not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved.

Everyone misses their friends when they are dying. It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

• I wish that I had let myself be happier

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had
stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions,
as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were
content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind.

How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Thank you Bronnie Ware for sharing this with us. Best regards, Nicolai

How to keep your New Year’s resolution

The RIGHT goals ?

We choose goals so that we have something to show, talk about, demonstrate direction, and avoid embarrassment.

• Be honest with yourself

Subconsciously, we choose goals that are not really ours, therefore we are not committed in achieving and delivering on them.

• Distinguish between your ‘externally adopted’ goals and your real internal ones. Check your wording: Are you using statements such as “I need to…I should, I must …” Chances are that your goals are not really yours.. When do you say: “I want to …? You might be closer to your personal goals and dreams.

How to identify your goals ?

Ask yourself: If you were guaranteed success in anything you want, no limitations, no obstacles, what would it be ? !

then list up to five things you dream of … using the below three categories. What is it you want to have, be and do ? What is it you dream of ..

• Having (including but not limited to material things, car, cloths, etc)
• Being (fluent in Spanish, good yoga teacher, etc).
• Doing (visiting Brasil, learn to windsurf, etc)

If you are blocked in terms of ‘doing’ ? Think of:

• One place to visit
• One thing to do before you die
• One thing to do daily
• One thing to do weekly
• One thing you always wanted to learn

How to achieve those goals – some guidelines

1. Stop being busy and do what is important. What is the one thing that gets you closer to your important goal. Start every day with that and complete, before you do anything else.
2. Don’t try to scare yourself, punishment is a poor motivator.
3. Get better friends. Surround yourself with friends that can also be rolemodels.
4. Break your goals down into small bite-size junks. Maximum 2 hours tasks.
5. Just do it first, before you are stuck in planning. Actions preceeds motivation.
6. Avoid being a perfectionist.
7. Setbacks are lessons for growth. Just make sure you really learn from them. Insanity is repeating the same thing and expecting a different outcome.
8. Don’t keep your resolution to yourself. Sharing it with the right, supportive others might give you a gentle nudge in the right direction when you loose track.
9. Give your goals meaning. Real meaning for yourself.  Your goal should be something you really desire to change or achieve, not something that society says is good for you to do or your family members would like to see you do. If you don’t have strong, internal motivation within yourself, you won’t be successful and you are likely to give up over time.

Good luck and most importantly enjoy; it is your life.

Best regards

Nicolai

How does Coaching fit in with other disciplines such as psychiatrist, psychologist, mentors,  etc ?

Let’s use the metaphor of driving a car.

• A psychiatrist will diagnose what is stopping you from from driving the car – The ‘Why’
• A psychologist will listen to the anxieties about you driving the car….where else do you have similar anxieties ?…
• A mentor will share hints and trips from his experience of driving… what happened to me back then and what I would do differently now.
• A consultant will advise you on how to drive the car…. the do’s and don’s
• A trainer will practise with you driving a car
• A coach will work with you in such a way, that you will be overcoming your obstacles, you will put the things in place that help and support you in driving the car. A coach will help you identifying your obstacles and helping you finding your personal approach to the solution.

Hope this helps in selecting the ‘right discipline’ for your situation.

… maybe this helps you to assess which areas of your life you want to change ?

So, if it is coaching you want, contact me here.

Regards

Niclolai

Source: Best Practice in Performance Coaching: A Handbook for Leaders, Coaches, HR …By Carol Wilson and the FedHealth Newsletter issue 4/2010

It seems that becoming a coach is becoming more and more fashionable, at least if I go by the number of requests and enquiries I receive every day. The companies that offer training to become a coach must make a lot of money, guess why many coaches offer coach training ? So much easier and faster to make money.

When talking about coaching and coaches, I am not talking about coaches in the sports domain, I am refering to face-to-face interaction with an individual. I am excluding giving advice, mentoring, consulting, therapy, counselling, training, or providing technical, factual information as a service such as e.g. Nutritional coaching which is just a fashion term for providing nutritional advice. This is not coaching !

I do not and don’t have the intention to offer coach training. I do not advice or recommend a particular coaching education or entity over another. Everybody has different expectations and needs and I don’t want to be liable for your decisions.

If you are still interested to become a coach, there are several options out there, which can be divided into two groups.

• Entities that offer traditional classroom style education, based on a curriculm with several modules. Each module runs for several weeks/months with tests to be written at intervals, literature to be reviewed, exam papers to be written before a certificate or diploma is issued.
• Entities that offer one or few short courses over the period of a few weeks , mostly weekends, with group interaction amongst students during that time and often in between weekend courses at their own time to practice and train the weekend course material. This type of training is more practical, often shorter, less academic, less research-knowledge bsased, less ‘thorough’ in terms of theory and study whislt likely to be  more interactive and easierr to pass and quick er to get a certificate.

If you are still interested to become a coach, ask yourself the follwoing questions before you embark on an education  or training.

• Do I want to do it for the certification and the paper on the wall ?
• Do I want to do it for the networking and getting to know other coaches and how they work ?
• Do I want to do it to become a coach and establish a new career and income stream ?
• Do I want to do because I like the working (and life) style of a coach ?
• Do I want to do it because I like to be a able to say that I am a coach/ working as a coach ?
• Do I want to do it for my personal development ?
• Do I want to do it to learn more about /for myself
• Do I want to do it so that I can learn and improve my life…and take charge of my life.

To most of the above questions, there are alternative options and anwsers beyond doing a coaching education/training….yes some include taking actual coaching sessions, some alternative courses, or other means and mediums to get to the desired goal.

‘Facts’:

• Coaching is like, consulting, an unregulated profession and industry. Anybody can call him/herself a coach and start working as a coach.
• Few coaching educations/training couses are accredited with credible local or internationa bodies
• Few of the local or international coaching bodies are more than a network of coaches to assert themselves, group amongst themselves or consolidate the students in an alumni type network.
• There are more than 18 official coaching related bodies and associations in the german-speaking countries in Europe, and each of them claim superiority over the others.
• Many professions are taking on the term ‘coach’ and now there are suddently sales coaches, wellness coaches, body image coaches, etc out there. This might impact on the reputation and image of the remaining coaching profession and coaches.

By the way, a nice distinction I heard recently for the differnce between education and training – What would you prefer for your daughter ? Sex education or sex training ?

Our mind is very powerful in convincing us that we better stay where we are, just shut up and keep quiet, because the potential consequences will be detrimental… really ?

What are the actual financial costs for not acting now ? Think about the e.g.

• medial costs for the health damage,
• massages for tight shoulders,
• vitamin pills and immune boosters to fight sickness due to your stress,
• sleeping pills to numb the worries and coffees for your drained energy levels

• the lost opportunities to make the income you deserve in a job that you like and feel passionate about
• the hours of leisure and free time that you don’t have because you are stuck in a 12 hour job

Give it a Rand value and start a simple calculation to show the financial ‘consequences’ of each of your decisions. How much do you gain and loss by staying and by changing your situation.

Is it worth the price you are paying ?

Regards

Nicolai

Yes, you can afford coaching.

I work in a set of 4 (four) committed coaching sessions with payment upfront for R 1,580; this equates to R 395 per 60 minute session. You can terminate the coaching at any point and will only pay for the used coaching session.

Money back guarantee.

I believe that you should only pay for coaching that adds value to your life. I am prepared to refund you the money for a session if you feel that you did not get value-for-money (as long as you state this at the end of a session).Ca

Psychologist and coaches

Generally most of the people today are well informed.
A lot of them have already done soul searching. Every second book, movie, you name it, has already got psychology interpretations, TV shows – Oprah, Dr. Phil.  Your basic average person requires that much more of a psychologist.  No longer is your average person satisfied with having a problem at home, going to a specialist, having the specialist repair the damage and then going back home and all is well.

Most of the people today want to be able to fix the problems themselves and hence that is why these New Age psychologists are called coaches.  Most of the coaches today have psychology incorporated, in fact a lot of them were psychologists.  Coaching allows the client to be the expert.  The idea of the expert resides with them and not the coach.  The previous idea whereby the expert would have all the answers and retain that information to himself, no longer exists.

Your average person wants to know why.
Don’t just give him an answer to his question, or just fix his problem.  They want to know everything.  They want to know where it came from, where it is going, why, who they are, what they are.  Why even in certain aspects the coach has come up with that answer and not another one.

We live in an era of info and people are hungry for information about themselves and about life.  In all walks of life, private life, career, business, finances – in every aspect of their lives they want to be coached.  The New Age psychologist has changed psychology and made it a positive attitude to life through psychology. Psychology is no longer just a tool to understanding what is wrong. Psychology has become a positive attitude, hence a positive psychology to life.  The psychology of life in a positive attitude, in a positive way, well informed, takes people further now.

People themselves are becoming psychologists.
In fact most of them are their own psychologists and are attempting to be their own psychologists. We the coaches no longer play the main character, we are just aids to assist them in the best possible way – for them to find their way, not for us to find their way.

The attitude towards getting help

In the past, psychology was an area which was considered private.  Should you have a problem, should there be an issue as such, then you would secretly go to a psychologist.  Today psychology is more and more considered to be a positive thing.  People will be proud to advertise that they are coached by XYZ, and that is the difference.

In the past it was considered taboo and maybe even something wrong with you.  Most of the people today understand this – any issues, any psychological problems that they have, is considered a norm.  The word is out, there are many books, specialists advertising. No longer is it a problem, it is just your path, growing and stretching boundaries and trying the best that you can within that time.

Psychology is much more flexible now, much more applicable than before.  It is even used in sports, in every aspect of our lives today. This master is just now more flexible, more reachable, and more approachable.

Approach of the Life Coaching Centre

The Life Coaching Centre applies a true holistic (holistic= emphasizing the functional relation between parts and the whole) approach whereby the coach looks at the bigger picture and takes relevant elements of the person’s life into consideration like work-life balance, career, body, relationship, cultural, emotional, spiritual, etc when for example working on a career development.

We believe that it is in the clients best interest to raise his awareness about the bigger picture and therefore supporting him in identifying the root-cause (bigger/deeper picture) and not just a quick fix of the symptomatic surface issue, hence coaching where the client has the answers – not the professional – and the coach helps to uncover the answer together with the client.

Any questions, contact me.

What are the indicators to know that you are ready for coaching ?

(This list is an extract from the BusinessTimes / CareerTimes section 8th of November 2009 by BillPrice)

If you agree with any of these statements, you might be ready for coaching.

• I am willing to stop shortchanging myself, to stop setting limits on what I can do. I am willing to consider options I once thought were not available to me.
  (Note: “If you think you can’t, you are probably right” . . . famous saying)
• I am willing to consider that becoming fulfilled in my own life can work for the higher good of all.
• I am willing to take a fresh look at my life.
• I am ready to make real and positive changes in my life.
• I am ready to discover my personal mission, purpose, and vision
  (Note: in such a way that it inspires my mind, touches my heart and give me a clear direction towards my committed bigger picture.
• I am ready to be completely honest about where I am now and where I want to go from here in my life.
  (Note: this is often the challenging part. Where do we really want to go and why ? Where does this direction come from ? Do I actually understand why I am aspiring to certain goals ? Consciousness development helps to see and recognise the ‘programming’, which we are normally not aware of.
• I am ready to do what it takes to learn and grow.
  (Note: Am I also ready to give up whatever is required in order to gain, grow and develop ? . . . those disfunctional patterns and ‘comfortable addictions’ )
• I am ready and willing to overcome self-limiting beliefs and behaviours.
• I am ready to let go of the past and embrace my future, to get more in touch with my hopes and dreams.

(Note that I do not agree fully with each and every of the above statement – this is purely to share what has been published on the subject of coaching recently.)

This is an extract from the BusinessTimes / CareerTimes section (8th of November 2009)

A list of possible benefits if you committed wholeheartedly to coaching:

• reaching goals quicker
• habing fun reaching goals
• receiving support
• getting ideas and directions (Note: I disagree on ‘getting’ – a coach must never ‘give’ advice and directions – so a coach’s questions are supposed to trigger something that gets you ideas and directions you yourself)
• achieving personal accountability
• being guided in setting a realistic time frame to achieve objectives
• getting insights (through a coach asking questions and some consciousness development work)
• receiving guidance in identifying clutter in life
• getting a clearer sense of self
• learning to see value in what you have to offer
• learning to use your time more wisely
• probably making ‘aha’ discoveries

(Note that I do not agree fully with each and every of the above statement – this is purely to share what has been published on the subject of coaching recently.)

What does coaching do ?

It helps people to transform (themselves and their lifes) and to get them out of procrastination . . . so these are the two key directions coaching can take you.

Transformational coaching focuses on transforming your beliefs, thinking patterns, values, and unconscious and conscious assumptions you are holding. This leds to a longer process (not years but also not days) in order to unlearn the less-desired stuff and acquire to learn and become aware of the desired and aspired new patterns in your life.

Transactional coaching focus on you getting your things done, so there is a clear action focus and results delivery.

Both type of coaching directions are valuable and useful. The client decides which one (or boths) is (are) desired.

Why don’t you try it out for yourself ?

Contact me

Best regards

Nicolai